November 28, 2016 0 Debolima Coomar
I’m not sure what I’m asking of you here- emotional support, advice, or just a message telling me to get over my problems. I’m not even sure which one would be the best option! The problem is that I’m finding myself constantly troubled. I am worrying about our family, about our finances, and about what everyone will say.
My pregnancy was not planned- well it was, but it was for later. We were supposed to get jobs, get settled, ask our parents for permission and then get married and then I could have bugged him for babies until he caved! The big Indian dream. Naturally, kismet had a bigger plan for us and we were blessed with the life that is growing inside of me right now.
We got married in haste, and I am ever so grateful about the gift of this baby, but there are moments when I wonder what if? What if my husband isn’t able to secure a job? And we know how hard is it for pregnant women in the job market, I don’t know how we will survive. Add to that, while our parents are happy and extremely supportive, they sometimes get overbearing, and there’s always a snide remark from some relative.
I try my best to let them slide, but it’s harder on tough days. If you have any advice you could give me on how to handle pregnancy better, I’m all ears (and eyes)! I would be grateful to know some tips to save money for a first time mom as well. Hope it’s not too bothersome a question!
Welcome to pregnancy, love! Please don’t worry about your troubles being normal or not. Your troubles are so common, every woman faces such dilemmas at some point of time. The dilemma of financial stability, of being a good mother and a good wife, and to top that, a good daughter in law as well. It is only natural that you would feel so worried.
Your hormones are probably not helping either! You’re probably having more rasgullas than usual, but anxiety can also be a side-effect. You probably want to forget about this major life change sometimes, but things won’t let you, and maybe that makes you think there’s something wrong with you for not enjoying the pampering so much. That’s not true, you can totally enjoy this time and worry about the future as well!
There is no easy way to answer your questions, because no one knows what the future holds. Your jobs or even your child’s nappies, they will sort themselves out as and when they should.
Does that mean you shouldn’t worry about them? Not at all! It’s okay to give in to worries- I recommend you face your anxieties instead of avoiding them by knitting your baby’s sweaters. If some relative’s comments bother you, tell your in-laws, or your husband, or even your parents, who can perhaps address it to that relative.
You’re worried about your family’s financial future. That’s a completely valid question. No child is born with a trust fund (I’m sure even you were not)! Your husband is clearly trying his best to secure a job, and yes, while I know it’s hard for mothers to get back in the job market easily in India, with startups and several initiatives, it isn’t that hard either. And you will always have your baby’s doting grandparents for support and care.
Lastly, for financial advice, I would recommend you talk to an advisor for solutions to your worries about debts and the future. Moreover, for a first-time mom, there are many tricks up our sleeve to save money! I tended to raid supermarkets and stock up instead of buying one thing at a time on a need basis, and it helped me save a lot of money, especially through discounts. Just make sure you time your buys right.
My final advice to you would be to take care, and, as cliched as it sounds, to enjoy this time of your life as much as you can! In a few months when you are holding your baby swaddled in blankets, you won’t even know how this time passed!